Vacillating Love

Wow, MIA for so long!!!  Sorry everyone I have been on an emotional roller coaster.  I have had ideas to blog, but too lazy I guess.  Nothing new here.  It's been raining for a week straight.  I'm missing Austin terribly today.  I don't know what it is?  I'll blame it on the weather.  I have all this energy inside.  It wants to explode. I wrote a song/poem for my brother.  I'll be working on that tonight.  Until next time, XXOOXO

I've been really bored.  It's no coincidence I live on the edge of the Bible Belt.  Yes, it still exists.  Not only on the edge, but in a Dry County.  Oh, did I mention the median age is 40.

With these constituents it has left me no other choice, except extensive Internet research.  Check out the video I have provided below.  Soon I will update you with more topics and details in religion, esoteric affairs, paranormal, Freemasons, the elite, and whatever your little hearts desire.

HUGs Not DRUGs

Do you believe in ghosts?  To believe in something gives that object power.  However, I will acknowledge the fact that ghosts are present.

The cycles of life are inevitable.  Time is a rhythmic cycle of precisely calculated numbers turning seconds, into minutes, into hours, into years.  A one year's time is the equivalent to 31 556 926 seconds.  This is a meager amount to be alloted, but a Gift nonetheless.  Time is a necessity.  Meaning it is inevitable and it will happen.  As humans we are Spiritual beings having physical experiences.  We may have control over imperceptible events, but time will continue.  Time is not to be controlled.  It is an independent factor that guides all things in this plane.  For each being, there is an unknown set time, for our experiences.  A gift alloted.  Your gift is Dharma.  It is your duty to find the knowledge and wisdom that will lead you to enlightenment.  You use your unique gifts and talents on the way.  Some have an abundance of empathy and have the gift of healing.  A great Doctor you would be.  Some are creative and are filled with emotion, with an outlet to be guided to inspire the masses.  A musician I can see.

God is calling and waiting.  What we do should be done in love and patience.  Know yourself, so you can help others.  You must give to receive. Become selfish to become selfless.  Do not ponder on negativity and do not stay content.  Evolve and grow, for every time there is a season.  Do not waste your precious gift.  Do not put things off for another day.  Carpe Diem- Seize the Day! 

I knew it from the beginning. You wouldn't read this. Your way to busy. You said you would. "We'll stay in touch." I kept my side of the two way conversation. What's going on? Do you think of me? Nothing would have changed. The only change was me leaving. It's okay. It happens. I'm to far over here and you...you are there. My coveted piece of land. My stomping grounds. My HOME. It doesn't change the way I feel. Yes, I'm angry. Angry that I had to leave you and the, "What Ifs" behind. I had potential and I had a chance. No No, it was opportunity.

Everything is different. No one to complain to. No one to grab coffee with. No cool hiking trails. No music. No funky fashion or talk of the newest gadget, gizmo, or political convention.

Will I get over these hurtful feelings? I imagine in time. Maybe I should have said, "No" to  him. Maybe I should have broken away, year's ago. Of course, things would have been different. Then it would be a regret and I promised myself I would live life with no regret's. I could still do it. Complicated it would be and hurtful to everyone. There is no signs of a ring any time soon. Time is precious and one can only wait so long. Some wait till death, while others wait for the death of, "Self."

The ramblings of a crazy Woman. It's time - - I'm signing off Austin. Until Next time.........

Hey Peeps. Not a single chance to key you in on what's been happening, until now. Now, is not even the best of times. I'm stealing someone's internet, just to do this. Fast version.....I really hated it here. I miss Austin and my dear friends. Everybody stares and talks funny. I think I'm in the twilight zone. Is anyone out there???? Now, is not soo bad. It's still foreign and at times I want to scream. I just want a decent cup of coffee that I don't have to make from a Folger's can. I love my house and yard. Lots of flowers. I painted the living room tan, black, and white. The contrasting colors are leopard and red. That's right, LEOPARD. Can you dig it? I love my new boss, Whitney. She is such a sweet heart. I love Pablito and his familia. I hate the weather. It's way to humid. If I wanted this much humidity I would have moved to Brazil. Honestly it's WEIRD in it's own special way. Do I love it...No and do I hate it No. I'm adjusting and molding, meshing the old with the new, combining the city and the country. It's perfect for now. My creative juices are flowing. I'm teaching people that plastic does not simply disappear, and you can eat a protein rich diet without the flesh of an animal. Good night Austin!!!

 ¹ My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
       Why are you so far from saving me,
       so far from the words of my groaning?

 ² O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
       by night, and am not silent.

 ³ Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
       you are the praise of Israel. ^[a]

 ⁴ In you our fathers put their trust;
       they trusted and you delivered them.

 ⁵ They cried to you and were saved;
       in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

 ⁶ But I am a worm and not a man,
       scorned by men and despised by the people.

 ⁷ All who see me mock me;
       they hurl insults, shaking their heads:

 ⁸ "He trusts in the LORD;
       let the LORD rescue him.
       Let him deliver him,
       since he delights in him."

 ⁹ Yet you brought me out of the womb;
       you made me trust in you
       even at my mother's breast.

 ¹⁰ From birth I was cast upon you;
       from my mother's womb you have been my God.

 ¹¹ Do not be far from me,
       for trouble is near
       and there is no one to help.